Wave Of Light

Isn’t it strange that we live in a time when communication has never been faster, never been more immediate, or more intense; yet there are still so many subjects that remain taboo.

Baby loss is one of them.

Whether through miscarriage, still birth, termination due to anomaly, or neonatal loss. It’s hard to talk about and even harder to hear about. What do you say? How do you react? Do you open a conversation or politely change the subject?

On October 15th each year, the end of Baby Loss Awareness week, in honour of every soul not able to stay in this world, a wave of light is created. At 7pm your own time, we are invited to light a candle for an hour and connect around the globe. This is a huge step towards having the conversation, but gently.

What has struck me, in conversations, in work with clients, in reading courageous posts by others who have experienced baby loss, is that often we are encouraged to forget, to “move on”, to try for the next baby. It’s all part of the picture of discomfort and why it’s remained taboo.

But, without honouring every soul that has blessed our womb space, without opening the possibility of finding peace in our heart, how do we heal?

It’s nearly 14 years since my tiny Baby Harry was born sleeping, at only 20 weeks. We were given photos of him, and his hand and footprints. These stayed in a memory box, only for my eyes and the eyes of my family. They are treasured, yet painful, yet beautiful memories of a moment held in time; a moment that left it’s resonance for many years.

My experience of baby loss was heightened with losing my Mum to cancer three months before Baby Harry, and my Dad who died suddenly three months after Baby Harry. With six months of all consuming trauma and grief, I guess I was on a mission to healing, and in all honesty, survival. It’s almost unbearable for any one person to be faced with so much grief in such a short space of time.

My healing journey unfolded organically; the right therapists came at the right time. These are the therapies and choices I made; everyone will have different needs, so this is certainly not a blue print, but hopefully an aid:

Counselling – I was extremely lucky that the hospital offered a counsellor in the maternity unit for supporting baby loss. She truly was my lifeline.  I realise not all hospitals offer this, so seeking a bereavement counsellor is an opportunity to be safely witnessed in grief.

Homoeopathy – There were three bereavements to juggle. Often not knowing which one was emerging at any moment, sometimes all three hitting at the same time. But, medication was not an option for me; so working closely with my homoeopath was how I stayed afloat. Finding the right remedy at each stage of my process was her skill that I held with such gratitude.

Nourishing bodywork – connecting to the right massage therapist kept me embodied with my physical experience. so I didn’t lose that part of myself.

Nourishing food – But still holding the importance of a fine organic bar of dark chocolate and all the endorphin release that can bring!

Solitude – To allow the aching tears to release, to allow myself the space to sob and sob and sob, without explanation, without guilt. With each sob I knew this release was a necessity and didn’t hold back.

Exercise – I started seeing a personal trainer and started kickboxing – the endorphin release here was a gift and the rage had an outlet.

EFT – Tapping gave me the opportunity to work through the trauma in a way that wasn’t overwhelming. Working through episodes that held the most charge during that traumatic time.

Psychotherapy – During my next pregnancy, I was on a high all the way through. After she was born though, I entered an almighty slump. Whether it was Post Natal Depression I’m not sure, but I sought support as soon as I could. It was time to move beyond counselling and explore with more depth. The gratitude I hold for my therapist will always be so deep. After losing Baby Harry, my menstrual cycle had been truly nightmarish, with all consuming pain most months. It was my therapist who wisely suggested that I was reliving the pain of Baby Harry’s delivery each cycle.

Womb Massage – When my Womb Massage teacher lay her hands over my womb during my training, this was the portal to the most profound healing in my baby loss journey. After a few sessions, my womb cleared the traumatic imprint held of his birth, my cycle eased and the pain subsided.

Family constellation work combined with EFT – It’s hard to describe the power and resonance of speaking with Baby Harry and “hearing” what his words might have been to me. This has led me to a place of complete peace with him.

Honouring my baby – A couple of years ago, with guidance, I went to his graveside and held a little ceremony, which, due to the family constellation work, centred on forgiveness. It’s a peaceful place to be.

Menstrual Cycle Awareness – My life would never be the same after losing Baby Harry. Of course it would never be the same, just as with any huge life event. We inhabit a space following baby loss where we can run the gamut of emotions. There may be pure sadness, guilt, confusion, resentment, moments of acceptance followed by moments of all consuming pain. The list is endless and purely personal. Menstrual Cycle Awareness has been a source of guidance; when are the emotions most acute? Recognising that emotions arise and shift over the ebb and flow of the cycle. Perhaps the feeling of acceptance is present in the summer (ovulatory phase) of the cycle, only to cross over the next day to autumn (pre-menstrual phase), when maybe guilt and resentment take over. The awareness is a container towards acceptance.

My intention is to spread awareness of baby loss of any kind, and hope that the women and men this journey has touched are acknowledged.

It is uplifting, although painful to read, as more and more baby loss stories appear on social media. But a ripple effect has been created. Others are inspired to share, taking us all a step closer to healing the collective pain.

With the huge amount of work I have been open to over the years, I can put my journey into words, without tears. Instead, I have such gratitude to Baby Harry, and love for those walking a similar path to me.

I invite you to light a candle at 7pm for an hour on 15th October and bring about a wave of love and healing.

It truly is my honour to offer support to women after baby loss with Abdominal Massage, EFT, Aromatherapy and Menstrual Cycle Awareness.

Stepping into Power as the Lights Dim

“As the year rolls on and autumn arrives, all of nature prepares for fruition and going to seed, or to store up reserves for the winter” (The Language of Plants, Julia Graves)

It’s Autumn Equinox here in the northern hemisphere. Before our energy sinks into the gradually decreasing hours of light, we can find balance in the equal hours of light and dark today. It’s a beautiful time to take stock of the year; while the fields are being harvested, what can you reap from the past months?

As our outer focus shifts from the external pleasures of summer, we turn to a more inward-looking state of being.

The yearly seasons mirror so beautifully, our menstrual cycle, with our pre-menstruum being our inner autumn. But…

If you ask a group of women when their least favourite time in their cycle is, almost always there is a unanimous show of hands for the premenstrual phase.

It’s kind of understandable. We rage. We lose our filters, as the truth speaker in us is unleashed. We may question pretty much everything around us; from our relationships to our ability to do our job, to feeling that nothing we say or do is worthwhile. Without a container of awareness, this phase is disconcerting, disquieting and raw.

Our inner autumn is also the home of the inner critic; part of our shadow side that dances with glee as it feeds our rage, encourages our feelings of worthlessness, and at its worst can have us clinging to our sanity.

With a nod to the Julia Graves quote above, we can genuinely feel as though we are “going to seed” at this point in our cycle. But as the rest of her quote says, autumn is a time when we have the opportunity to store up reserves for winter. In menstrual cycle awareness terms, we can store up reserves for our inner winter, our time of menstruation.

By paying close attention to our needs in our inner autumn, the pre-menstruum can be a deeply potent time in our cycle. We can still be discerning truth speakers, but more directional and with awareness.

We can own this powerful time in our cycle, rather than apologise for it.

 

To add more juice to the picture, perimenopause is our Life Autumn, often with a more distilled and intense flavour of our premenstrual phase. The oils suggested here would work just as beautifully in perimenopause.

To ease these passages to power, we might need some sturdy support around us. Essential oils can be a firm ally to have by our side if it all goes wobbly.

Enjoy a selection of autumn supportive oils:

Clary Sage (Salvia sclarea)

In plant form the flowers of clary sage form a spikey tip to their pinky purple and heart-shaped bloom. The leaves, with their downy hairs, cup the flowers from underneath, in a show of tender support. Perfect for our premenstrual phase.

As an essential oil, clary sage, has a warm, musky and herbaceous aroma. But it’s talent lies in it’s actions – being deeply grounding and holding, yet uplifting. As Gabriel Mojay shares: “The earthy quality of (the oil) reflects its ability to both steady the mind and reassure: while its gentle pungency enlivens the senses and dispels illusion, restoring the clarity echoed by it’s name” (Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit, Gabriel Mojay). The description reads like a balm to the sometimes deeply unkind work of the inner critic.

The pre-menstruum, a time when the outer lights go down and the inner lights brighten, pulls us towards greater intuition. Valerie Ann Worwood invites us to hear the “whisper” of clary sage: “…be at ease, and focus on contacting the inner spirit” (The Fragrant Heavens)

For a beautifully feminine and holding massage blend for inner autumn try: clary sage, geranium and black pepper

Clary sage also enjoys spending time with sandalwood, cypress, bergamot, and grapefruit.

Frankincense (Boswellia carterii)

Distilled from the resin of the Boswellia tree, with it’s sweet, rich but fresh aroma, the oil holds a special place in my heart. If an essential oil could hold out its arms and offer a hug with genuine love, it would be frankincense.

As Valerie Ann Worwood shares, frankincense is “…like an ever-watchful older friend capable of support in a wide range of circumstances. But, like a vigilant parent, it will not let us go where we are not ready to go.” (The Fragrant Heavens)

The incense resin has it’s place in spiritual tradition, but the essential oil is also “…an ideal aid to mediation, contemplation, and prayer, ceasing mental chatter and stilling the mind. Facilitating a state of single-pointed concentration, it allows the Spirit to soar” (Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit, Gabriel Mojay) When the mental chatter can turn quite vicious, seeking out frankincense can be an act of kindness in your pre-menstruum.

Frankincense cozies up well with so many other oils. But for a supportive inner autumn blend, clary sage, sandalwood (another oil that enjoys offering a nurturing hug) and bergamot will give you a place to ease your premenstrual disquiet.

Pine (Pinus sylvestris)

Picture the scotch pine, with it’s cluster of evergreen needles, the tree and its fresh, crisp and clean essential oil makes it an ally in supporting you when you’re feeling easily “needled” in your premenstrual phase.

Pine encourages us to trust, ease in to more self-confidence and helps to hold the tension, and more. Gabriel Mojay suggests pine as supportive in “Restoring emotional positivity and “boundary”, as well as our ability to “process” experience, pine works to dissipate both negative self-image and feelings of remorse, replacing guilt with forgiveness and self-acceptance” (Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit)

Blending pine with frankincense and clary sage, the other oils explored here, would create a truly holding blend.

For a lighter blend, try vapourising pine, grapefruit and juniper.

Who knows what kind of powerful places you can inhabit, with your psyche supported with these beautiful oils…

To support your inner autumn experience, try vapourising the oils, or mix a few drops with Epsom salt or milk and have a soak in the bath. Or perhaps you would love an an Aromatherapy Massage and have a bespoke massage blend created for you, to meet your needs for that day.

The safety stuff:

  • Clary Sage should not be used in pregnancy, unless under the care of an Aromatherapist
  • If you have endometriosis, fibroids or other oestrogen led conditions, please consult with an Aromatherapist before using clary sage
  • Always dilute essential oils. A 1% dilution is the safest. In 15mls (a tablespoon) of base oil (sunflower oil, coconut oil are popular) add 5 drops of essential oil.
  • To make a blend of the oils featured here, you may choose 1 drop of clary sage, 2 drops of frankincense and 2 drops of pine in 15mls of base oil.
  • The old adage of less is more holds true when using essential oils, as over time, skin sensitivity can be increased.
  • Essential oils should not be ingested, unless under the care of a Clinical Aromatherapist who will prepare the oils to avoid irritation of the digestive system.
  • When vapourising, do so in an airy room, for not more than 10-15 minutes.


If you would love to explore your menstrual, fertility or menopause health, with a bespoke blend of essential oils created each time you visit, have a peruse at Aura Mama to see how you can be supported.

And for more information on menstrual cycle awareness enjoy this link

Finding the Ease Within

As someone who has always enjoyed feel-good quotes, inspirational quotes, a sometimes sharer of such quotes, I have recently found myself questioning more and more of what I read.

It feels as though there is an immense pressure on us to always be positive, always be happy, no matter what; and as much as creating a good sense of self and well-being is an integral part of my professional intention, it’s also important to recognise that this is often a huge burden. I mean, what happens if you’re not feeling upbeat? If you can’t always see the joy in everything around you? Have you failed the positivity test? It sometimes feels as though in the feel-good world, we’re setting ourselves up for a fall.

It’s just as important to hear those feelings where self-doubt, uncertainty, irritation, sadness or maybe resentment, amongst others, are also present.

In fact the likelihood is they form part of a monthly pattern.

Such feelings can be eased with the right therapy or practice, but acknowledging them is fundamental, rather than sweeping them aside and pretending they’re not part of a thought process or deeply entrenched belief.

But how is this linked to your monthly cycle?

Well, our cycle moves through the following phases or seasons:

Menstruation/winter – a time to find your cave and simply stop

Pre-ovulation/spring – when energy may rise, as may ideas

Ovulation/summer – possibly the highest energy you will experience in the month, when you may want to take on the world and possibly be your most creative

Pre-menstruum/autumn – this is the time to start slowing down and become more thoughtful about plans and sometimes the people you spend time with.

I started writing this in my pre-menstrual phase; a time of deep discernment, frankly a time when you don’t take any shit. It’s often an uncomfortable phase, but once you have formed a friendhsip with your cycle, my word when those emotions can be harnessed in autumn you can put them to the kind of use you could never believe. By the time I publish this I will have started settling in to winter and I may want be gentler in my writing.

With the intention of giving you a helping hand to cultivate this understanding of your cycle, here are some simple suggestions:

Chart your cycle

If you are menstruating, your menstrual cycle holds such gold. Seeing the shift in emotions and feelings as you move from season to season.

If you are no longer experiencing a menstrual cycle, try tracking the lunar cycle as see how aligned you are with the phases of the moon.

While charting, notice a pattern forming over the months. When are you most active? Most creative? Most discerning or impatient? When are you craving slowness or stillness?

Get to know your inner critic

Give her a name, it truly helps, particularly when “she’s” not playing fair. Earlier this year I had a nasty run in with my inner critc, here’s how it panned out! This relationship is really rather crucial in the process, as the inner critic tends to have a field day in our autumn phase.

Get yourself a gorgeous journal

Then write, write, write! Working alongside your charting, it’s an opportunity to allow the space for the flesh to be put on the bones of the shifts occuring. Be as self-indulgent as possible. Your journal can be a place to vent, explore, get sweary if it feels right, get real about anything and everything you feel in the moment. When you look back at your entries, chances are it will also hold some gems.

Set aside a small amount of time, preferably daily, for self-care

Why not give self-abdominal massage a go? Become acquainted with this sacred area of your body, the area where our deepest emotions are often held, our deepest history. It’s also a window on how our digestive and womb health responds to our inner and outer world. You may be surprised at the level of self-knowledge that might arise, plus it feels rather yummy once you’ve got the hang of it!

Practice gratitude

Even if life feels utterly shit right now, write down one positive each day. You might consider it negligible, but pop it down in your journal. That little nugget of gratitude may have a longer term benefit even if it doesn’t improve your mood in the moment.

4625826997There you have it, 5 simple suggestions. Isn’t that great! The pressure is off! Gently recognising your shifts as you move through the month, seeing the patterns that begin to form; who knows as your knowledge of your inner landscape grows, an ease of the goddess within may just emerge. I would take that any day over enforced feel-good positivity.

So, as 2015 exits and 2016 makes its entrance, why not make the decision to use your cycle to recognise when you’re firing on all cylinders, when to throw yourself into a project, when it’s time to slow down and when it’s time to actually stop?

If you feel you would like some support or guidance working though these points, from January I am offering complementary 30 minute Skype or phone consultations, you can contact me here.

In February Kate Codrington and I are holding our first Love Your BellyWorkshop of 2016.

We are welcoming another group of women to learn how to harness self-care and a whole lot more. If you would like to reserve a seat/cushion and make the most of the early reduced price you can click here.

Wishing for a peaceful entry into 2016 and a year full of blessings.

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