Wave Of Light

Isn’t it strange that we live in a time when communication has never been faster, never been more immediate, or more intense; yet there are still so many subjects that remain taboo.

Baby loss is one of them.

Whether through miscarriage, still birth, termination due to anomaly, or neonatal loss. It’s hard to talk about and even harder to hear about. What do you say? How do you react? Do you open a conversation or politely change the subject?

On October 15th each year, the end of Baby Loss Awareness week, in honour of every soul not able to stay in this world, a wave of light is created. At 7pm your own time, we are invited to light a candle for an hour and connect around the globe. This is a huge step towards having the conversation, but gently.

What has struck me, in conversations, in work with clients, in reading courageous posts by others who have experienced baby loss, is that often we are encouraged to forget, to “move on”, to try for the next baby. It’s all part of the picture of discomfort and why it’s remained taboo.

But, without honouring every soul that has blessed our womb space, without opening the possibility of finding peace in our heart, how do we heal?

It’s nearly 14 years since my tiny Baby Harry was born sleeping, at only 20 weeks. We were given photos of him, and his hand and footprints. These stayed in a memory box, only for my eyes and the eyes of my family. They are treasured, yet painful, yet beautiful memories of a moment held in time; a moment that left it’s resonance for many years.

My experience of baby loss was heightened with losing my Mum to cancer three months before Baby Harry, and my Dad who died suddenly three months after Baby Harry. With six months of all consuming trauma and grief, I guess I was on a mission to healing, and in all honesty, survival. It’s almost unbearable for any one person to be faced with so much grief in such a short space of time.

My healing journey unfolded organically; the right therapists came at the right time. These are the therapies and choices I made; everyone will have different needs, so this is certainly not a blue print, but hopefully an aid:

Counselling – I was extremely lucky that the hospital offered a counsellor in the maternity unit for supporting baby loss. She truly was my lifeline.  I realise not all hospitals offer this, so seeking a bereavement counsellor is an opportunity to be safely witnessed in grief.

Homoeopathy – There were three bereavements to juggle. Often not knowing which one was emerging at any moment, sometimes all three hitting at the same time. But, medication was not an option for me; so working closely with my homoeopath was how I stayed afloat. Finding the right remedy at each stage of my process was her skill that I held with such gratitude.

Nourishing bodywork – connecting to the right massage therapist kept me embodied with my physical experience. so I didn’t lose that part of myself.

Nourishing food – But still holding the importance of a fine organic bar of dark chocolate and all the endorphin release that can bring!

Solitude – To allow the aching tears to release, to allow myself the space to sob and sob and sob, without explanation, without guilt. With each sob I knew this release was a necessity and didn’t hold back.

Exercise – I started seeing a personal trainer and started kickboxing – the endorphin release here was a gift and the rage had an outlet.

EFT – Tapping gave me the opportunity to work through the trauma in a way that wasn’t overwhelming. Working through episodes that held the most charge during that traumatic time.

Psychotherapy – During my next pregnancy, I was on a high all the way through. After she was born though, I entered an almighty slump. Whether it was Post Natal Depression I’m not sure, but I sought support as soon as I could. It was time to move beyond counselling and explore with more depth. The gratitude I hold for my therapist will always be so deep. After losing Baby Harry, my menstrual cycle had been truly nightmarish, with all consuming pain most months. It was my therapist who wisely suggested that I was reliving the pain of Baby Harry’s delivery each cycle.

Womb Massage – When my Womb Massage teacher lay her hands over my womb during my training, this was the portal to the most profound healing in my baby loss journey. After a few sessions, my womb cleared the traumatic imprint held of his birth, my cycle eased and the pain subsided.

Family constellation work combined with EFT – It’s hard to describe the power and resonance of speaking with Baby Harry and “hearing” what his words might have been to me. This has led me to a place of complete peace with him.

Honouring my baby – A couple of years ago, with guidance, I went to his graveside and held a little ceremony, which, due to the family constellation work, centred on forgiveness. It’s a peaceful place to be.

Menstrual Cycle Awareness – My life would never be the same after losing Baby Harry. Of course it would never be the same, just as with any huge life event. We inhabit a space following baby loss where we can run the gamut of emotions. There may be pure sadness, guilt, confusion, resentment, moments of acceptance followed by moments of all consuming pain. The list is endless and purely personal. Menstrual Cycle Awareness has been a source of guidance; when are the emotions most acute? Recognising that emotions arise and shift over the ebb and flow of the cycle. Perhaps the feeling of acceptance is present in the summer (ovulatory phase) of the cycle, only to cross over the next day to autumn (pre-menstrual phase), when maybe guilt and resentment take over. The awareness is a container towards acceptance.

My intention is to spread awareness of baby loss of any kind, and hope that the women and men this journey has touched are acknowledged.

It is uplifting, although painful to read, as more and more baby loss stories appear on social media. But a ripple effect has been created. Others are inspired to share, taking us all a step closer to healing the collective pain.

With the huge amount of work I have been open to over the years, I can put my journey into words, without tears. Instead, I have such gratitude to Baby Harry, and love for those walking a similar path to me.

I invite you to light a candle at 7pm for an hour on 15th October and bring about a wave of love and healing.

It truly is my honour to offer support to women after baby loss with Abdominal Massage, EFT, Aromatherapy and Menstrual Cycle Awareness.


It’s a Bank Holiday weekend.

A time for family? A time for friends? Or may be a time when you choose to step away from the usual connections you make in the week.

As I learned earlier this week, in a searching, challenging and enlightening workshop on Constellations, our lives are made up of systems; groups of people in which we have our place and make our connections.

Perhaps a long weekend such as this, will give rise to many emotions – from feeling easy and comfortable, perhaps excited, happy, joyous to feelings of uncertainty, unease, frustration and even loneliness. These emotions are most certainly linked to where we stand in our systems.

How many groups or systems are you part of? Our ancestral lines; family; different friendship groups; work colleagues; those you share a hobby with – a book club, a walking group; the same people you commute with each day; parents on the school playground..? The list could go on and on.

Our place within these different systems has a huge impact on who we are and vice versa.

The theme of the Constellation Workshop was Belonging. The space was held safely and skilfully by Betsy Gibson and Sara Poss and we explored what this meant to each of us with depth and authenticity. As thoughts, feelings and emotions were shared, I began to realise something my truth. What belonging meant to me.

My physical reaction surprised me – sweaty palms and a racing heart! I was unnerved at how uncomfortable I felt at the prospect of verbalising it.

Confession time! Belonging is something I’ve always struggled with but I’ve never explored what it truly meant to me. As a child, it was a hard feeling to live with; as a teenager it was sometimes excruciating; a steep learning curve at University and entering the world of work throughout my 20s and into my 30s. By my early 40s I began to feel more comfortable with the feeling. And now, particularly after the workshop this week, I realise that I can actually embrace that feeling of otherness and cosy up with that part of myself.

It is sheer perfection that I have chosen to work in the world of complementary medicine. There is often a feeling of having to fight against the tide, just by the nature not adhering to the norms of conventional medicine. But, it’s now crystal clear to me why there is such pleasure and delicious joy when clients embrace and allow the beauty of the otherness of the work.

Not just in my work life, the personal struggle with the sense of otherness has meant the connections and friendships that I have, make my heart truly sing and are so much more precious.

Whatever your relationship with the concept of belonging, of all the systems you are part of, why not try to shift the amount of time spent with those people who love and accept you for who you are and allow your authentic self to thrive?

So, this holiday weekend I wish you peace with your version of belonging – if it’s with family, friends, your pets or whether you prefer your own company and your sense of belonging is to your self – Happy Easter, Happy Passover and love to all.



For more information on Constellations and the Parenting Programme designed to help heal family dynamics you can find information on Sara here and you can contact Betsy at betsygibson@btinternet.com

Top Art image: “Moon Dancers” Angela Ferreira

Lower Art Image: Diane Solis